Motherhood, Survival Mode, and Redefining Self-Care in Hard Seasons
Motherhood is often shown in curated snapshots—matching outfits, milestone photos, carefully packed lunches, and routines that somehow look effortless.
But many women experience a version of motherhood that feels much less polished.
A version marked by uncertainty, exhaustion, identity shifts, and seasons where survival—not thriving—is the goal.
In a recent conversation, I sat down with Abby Burle, founder of Love Your Story and Molly’s House, to talk about motherhood, resilience, and what happens when life doesn’t unfold the way you planned.
Her story began with infertility, a high-risk pregnancy, premature triplets, NICU trauma, and ultimately raising children with lifelong disabilities.
And yet, one of the biggest takeaways from our conversation wasn’t about hardship.
It was about grace.
When Motherhood Doesn’t Begin the Way You Expected
Abby’s journey into motherhood began after 18 months of infertility.
Then came an unexpected surprise: triplets.
What should have been an exciting chapter quickly shifted into a medically complex pregnancy that required a complete redefinition of health and expectations.
Before pregnancy, Abby described herself as highly driven, disciplined, and active. Movement was part of her identity—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.
Then everything changed.
At just 24 weeks, her triplets were born prematurely, each weighing around one pound.
In an instant, motherhood became something very different than what she imagined.
This is a version of motherhood many women recognize in different forms.
Maybe not through a NICU stay.
But through postpartum struggles.
A difficult diagnosis.
Burnout.
Caregiving.
A child with additional needs.
Or simply the reality that motherhood doesn’t always align with the picture we had in our heads.
Redefining Health During Hard Seasons
As someone who values medicine and movement, this part of Abby’s story resonated deeply with me.
There are seasons where health looks like structured workouts, meal prep, consistency, and building strength.
And there are seasons where health looks like rest.
That can be incredibly hard for women who are used to being productive, disciplined, and capable.
Especially if movement has always been your stress outlet or part of your identity.
One of the hardest mindset shifts can be realizing that honoring your body sometimes means doing less—not more.
That’s true in pregnancy.
But it’s also true in illness, hormone shifts, injury, caregiving, and seasons of emotional overwhelm.
Rest is not giving up.
Sometimes rest is the healthiest thing you can do.
Motherhood and Survival Mode
The early years of parenting are demanding under normal circumstances.
Add in medical complexity, sleep deprivation, emotional trauma, and caregiving, and survival mode becomes very real.
Abby shared that there were seasons where basic care tasks felt like a victory.
Brushing her teeth.
Taking a shower.
Eating enough.
Making it through the day.
And honestly?
Many mothers—whether they’ve experienced medical trauma or not—know what some version of this feels like.
Survival mode doesn’t always look dramatic from the outside.
Sometimes it looks like:
emotional exhaustion
short patience
decision fatigue
losing pieces of yourself
functioning but feeling disconnected
caring for everyone else while neglecting your own needs
If you’ve been there, you’re not alone.
What Self-Care Actually Looks Like
Social media has done a weird number on the phrase self-care.
It often gets packaged as routines, skincare, workouts, supplements, and aesthetic habits.
And while those things can absolutely be supportive…
That’s not the whole story.
In hard seasons, self-care may look like:
asking for help
lowering expectations
choosing convenience without guilt
protecting your mental health
resting when your body needs it
saying no
letting “good enough” be enough
Sometimes self-care looks less like optimization…
…and more like preservation.
That counts too.
The Identity Shift of Motherhood
One of the quieter challenges of motherhood is identity loss.
Not because you don’t love your children.
But because life changes.
Your routines change.
Your body changes.
Your energy changes.
Your freedom changes.
Sometimes your work changes.
And many women quietly grieve parts of themselves while simultaneously feeling deeply grateful for the family they love.
Both can be true.
That emotional tension deserves more honest conversation.
Because motherhood is not just a logistical transition.
It’s an identity transition.
Grace for the Season You’re In
One of the things I appreciated most about this conversation was the reminder that different seasons require different expectations.
Some seasons are for building.
Some are for healing.
Some are for showing up imperfectly and simply making it through the day.
And while our culture loves performance, productivity, and “bouncing back,” real life often looks much messier.
If you’re in a hard season right now—motherhood, caregiving, burnout, hormonal chaos, health struggles, or simply trying to hold too many things together—this is your reminder:
Your worth is not measured by your output.
Rest is not weakness.
Needing support is not failure.
There is grace here too.
Frequently Asked Questions About Motherhood, Stress, and Self-Care
Is it normal to feel like you’ve lost yourself in motherhood?
Yes. Many women experience identity shifts after becoming mothers, especially when routines, health, relationships, work, or caregiving responsibilities change significantly.
What does self-care look like when life feels overwhelming?
In overwhelming seasons, self-care may be less about routines and more about meeting your most basic physical and emotional needs with compassion.
How do you know if you’re in survival mode?
Common signs include emotional exhaustion, irritability, feeling disconnected, neglecting your own needs, struggling with daily tasks, or feeling like you’re simply getting through each day.
If your health feels like it’s taking a backseat while you care for everyone else, personalized support can help.
Book a free 15-minute consult to learn more about working together.
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